Monday, October 21, 2013

When Trials Come...

It's been roughly a year.

A year since a dark secret invaded my life, momentarily stopping my world.  A trial strong enough to knock the wind out of me, and still too dark to share with too many.

Those first weeks I cried  a lot.

And the months that followed were spent filled with questions for God...

It was hard not to hate myself.  To not blame myself. To not feel like I was enough.

Because really, if bad things happen, isn't that a punishment from God?  When pieces of our lives shatter before us, aren't we to blame? When something in our life happens that we truly thought we were immune to. Sure, that kind of stuff may happen to OTHER people...but not in my life.

But the truth is, we are not invincible.  The family who is struggling with cancer?  That may be you one day.  The marriage that is dealing with infidelity?  Don't think it can't happen to yours.  The parents who are desperate to see their prodigal son or daughter return?  No matter how hands on you are as a parent,one day that could be your life.

Because the truth is, in this world, there is only one thing we can count thing we can trust....that Christ loves us.  That HE died for you.  He died for me.  Because His love for us is so great.

When you are picking up the pieces of your shattered, broken heart, it is God who is there.  Not punishing, God doesn't work that way....He doesn't look down waiting for you to "mess up" so He can even the score.

I don't know why bad things happen in this life.  I don't know why trials can be so strong it makes it hard to breathe.  But I know in those dark times, those days that all you can do is "the next thing", that He is holding you up...holding me up....refining us.....helping us take this broken mess called life and use it for His glory.

After those first few weeks when the pain was raw, I could see clearly.  I knew what I wanted permanently inscribed on my body, so as to never forget....

"Beauty from Ashes"

Because God takes the pieces of our life that have been destroyed from the fire, and He makes beauty.  He takes those moments to teach us, to whisper in our ear, "I love you, draw close to me, I will NEVER leave you."

Out of those ashes, for the first time in my life, I truly knew what it means to depend on God. And although I am still a work in progress, I understood for the first time what it really meant to hand over my future, my dreams, my desires, to God.  When everything begins to feel uncertain in your life, when you realize you don't have as much control as you thought you did, God's strength and power is the only thing worth relying on.

Because He will get you through.

Maybe not how you planned it, or how you had hoped, but in the end, His ways are always better.

He will get you through.  Lean into Him.

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